Wednesday, 31 December 2008

A New Year. And Looking At A Special Star.

This will be the first time in 5 years that I have not spent New Year's Eve by water.

Water is very significant to me. I was a water baby, swimming effortlessly from a very young age, almost as if I was more natural in water than on the earth. Water draws me in, and maybe especially at this time of year I look to it because of the ebb and flow of the waves or the sense of movement in a river. It embodies renewal for me and the hopefulness of re-creation. And there is also a certain stillness to water that encourages time for reflection too.

It has also played a part in my New Year's ritual which has involved writing and sending things out to sea, or down stream. Physically releasing any heaviness from the past year as words on to paper and then setting them loose. Last year I wasn't by the sea, but travelled to a quiet spot by an estuary of the Thames with a friend. Standing by the edge we let our pieces of paper fall out of our hands hoping to watch the water take them away from us. Funnily, mine got stuck on a muddy bank. 

We both turned to one another and smiled. Part amusement, part frustration, part just at the sweet irony. I think she knew, without any need for the spoken word, what my envelope contained, what I was hoping to be able to let go of.  There wasn't even any question of us going down to the bank and trying to help it on its way, I think we both accepted the symbolism of it.

Those things that got stuck in the mud at this time last year, that I was finding too much to bear, or felt saddened by or overwhelmingly inadequate in the face of, have evolved in the last twelve months to bring joy and richness in to my life. I'm glad that I got stuck with them, was forced to face them and work through them, they are what bring me most to life now. And are a source of great strength.

So, I don't have any water to release anything in to this evening, but this year that feels okay. I can feel that my body is able to contain all that it needs to bear, and knows what to do with it now. Maybe being in the countryside as I am, amongst trees, is where I should be, firmly rooted in the earth, connected and strong. 

I did manage to do the other part of my New Year ritual though, walking 2 miles to the nearest village today, to the old fashioned red post box and posting a letter to myself with all my intentions and hopes written down for the year ahead. I'll be opening the one that I posted to myself last year a little later on, with my half bottle of champagne, in the warmth of an open fire and curiously seeing which wishes came to life.

Good wishes to you all for 2009.
I hope it brings you all that you wish for.

A song that is very special to me, by the Tindersticks. 

Tuesday, 30 December 2008

Simple & Momentary Distraction.

I was having a bit of difficulty being self-disciplined towards the end of last week, and feel a little ashamed to admit that. Intense thinking, reading and writing, in solitude, feels like a luxury but also slightly outside the usual composition of my days.  I've found it hard to focus my concentration and not get distracted by ..oohh... a million and one other things!

And I know one thing that would really focus my attention back to where it should be.....

But for now, I am back on track. I've some new clever little Disciplinary rituals to entwine in to my days, and I'm also taking some regular breaks. During these breaks I might go outside, or call a friend, or chat on line, or do some blogging, or have a little browse through online shopping sites... yesterday I got caught up on this one after a friend pointed me in its direction..

And I got very excited when I came across the most suitably spankingly beautiful pieces of underwear that I've seen in a long while...and off went my imagination in to the world of birching and caning.....and a few really sharp smacks with Sir's worn tan leather strap....

I thought you might appreciate them too. Of course if the bottom cheeks were nicely reddened they'd be all the more gorgeous. 

Monday, 29 December 2008


Where I am currently staying ( which does feel like solitary confinement in some ways ) there are several bird tables in the back garden...which backs on to open fields. I've been given instructions on bird feeding and I have to say that it feels as though they are keeping me company at the moment, which is rather nice.

This morning I was suddenly struck by a flash of pink on the table. My eyes seem to be quite finely tuned to shades of pink and red in recent years and I was captivated by it enough to go and get the binoculars. 

It wasn't a chaffinch...I'm familiar with their shades of pink....and this was a different shade altogether....more vibrant.

After some researching I think it was Scarlet Rosefinch ( what a lovely name!! ) and even though they are very distinctive  I'm still uncertain because it seems an unlikely time of year and they are not all that common...

Then I started imagining...I wondered what the mythology was behind this particular bird... and felt that maybe, just maybe, it was the bird that finds it way to you when a smacked bottom is due.

Clever bird.

I am probably procrastinating just a little from my work...posting about beautiful birds on this particular blog ;-)

Friday, 26 December 2008

A little tribute.

My friends and I have been singing along to some Eartha Kitt songs today ...

and I do have a few favourites...

This being one :

I'd definitely ask for an Old Fashioned Disciplinarian instead of a Millionaire though :-)
And switch the desire for oil and counting money into lots of love and smacked bottoms instead!

If anyone can help me learn to embed film clips in here, rather than just posting a link, I'd be very grateful.

Thank you to those who helped me fix this :-)

Sunday, 21 December 2008

Christmas Eve. Part Two.

Part 1 is the post below!

I was a mixture of limp resolve and dizzy excitement as he helped me off his lap and stood me back between his legs.

" Catherine my love, I hope you have a good view of Olivia's sore bottom? " he tilted his head to the side to catch her eye, and I watched him smile at her, pleasingly.

" Olivia darling, push your bottom out, that's it, right out, so that Catherine can see it properly. " he steadied me as I whimpered, my deep pink cheeks exposed, on view.

He watched my flushed face, and listened to the little gasps I made in vein, trying to stay composed. Reaching down with his hands he pulled the gauzy fabric of the pants back up to cover me at the front, pulling it slightly taut against my mound, and gazing at the wetness, directing my eyes to it too, as it spread, openly telling the story of my arousal and desire.

" And Olivia has made her pants very wet, haven't you sweetheart, mm ? "

I didn't answer, instead I lowered on to my knees , his hands pushing down on my shoulders until I was settled obediently at his feet. Standing up, he smiled over at Catherine, still sitting there poised on the bed. Her eyes hadn't left my bottom and I could hear a change in her breath.

His voice changed tone as he spoke to her this time.

" Catherine, remove your knickers and your stockings please, and do it slowly, I'd like to watch you. "

As he spoke those words he unbuttoned his trousers and took out his thick, hard cock, placing it inside my mouth, which I'd already opened willingly. He didn't thrust or move inside me, instead he just held it there, enjoying the warmth and moisture of my mouth as I licked him and devoured him with a slow gentleness. He hardened in me, and I could hear Catherine behind unzipping her skirt, and then what faintly sounded like a stocking being slowly rolled down a shapely leg.

All the while I could feel her eyes on my red, sore bottom, broken with glances to look at him. His eyes wandered all over her as she undressed to complete nakedness from the waist down.

" Mmm Olivia darling, you are taking very good care of my cock, making it perfectly hard and wet in preparation for me to fuck my beautiful wife. "

" And I can see Catherine my love, that you *did* enjoy watching Olivia getting a smacked bottom."

Pulling out of my mouth, still feeling hungry with obedience, he turned me towards Catherine, her legs slightly parted before me, her thighs glistening with her arousal.

He sat back down in the chair behind me, his hand held squeezing the base of his shaft.

" Now darling Olivia, you can prepare Catherine for my cock and show her what an obedient girl you can be, whilst I sit here and enjoy the view of your reddened bottom and watch my lovely wife be pleasured by you. "

I looked up at Catherine, blushing as I knelt forward, placing a hand gently on each inner thigh to hold them apart. She tenderly brushed away the hair from my face as I lowered down to her. I carefully, neatly, obediently took my tongue to her, trailing it across her wetness, using the very tip to explore her with reverence. And then as her moans became filled with more wanting, I plunged further in to her. I could hear him rubbing himself behind me until sticky faced, he lifted me away from her.

Placing me to stand by the side of the bed, he turned me so my back was to them, kissing me deeply, and hard, so he could taste Catherine on me.

" Good girl, you've been a very obedient girl, see how hard I am, and how ready for me Catherine is, and I want you to stand just here so that I can see your sore bottom whilst I make love to my wife. "

He kissed me once more on my forehead and I felt the tip of his hard cock press against my tummy as he lent down.

I tried to stand still, offering my bottom for his viewing, squirming with the dancing images in my mind, images that matched the sounds I was hearing and the smells I was smelling.
They were whispering to one another, whispers full of love and urgency, and her broken whimpering became a long intoxicated moan as he penetrated her, rising over her on the bed.

Listening to them fuck, the longing between my thighs was burning me, but I knew it would be disobedient for me to touch myself there. I felt the wetness oozing through the gauzy knickers that were still sticky against my front.

I heard them rise and fall, and their bodies rub against one other, I smelt the salty and musky perfume of damp climax and the sounds of each of them giving all to the other.

When he gave me permission to turn around, they were laying together, stretched out on the bed, his cock limp now, her thighs still shining, both of their faces unbound from the tautness or orgasm.

He called me over to them, giving me his hand to help lift me onto the bed and kneel between their legs.

" Did you enjoy listening to us fucking darling? "

They both smiled at me and then moved their eyes to the dampness spread out across my pants and thighs.
Blushing, I nodded, and obediently moved my hand where he was guiding it.

" Now show Catherine how you like to masturbate and I want you to come for us both darling. "

I shyly moved my hand across my knickers, rubbing myself across the slippery surface. He encouraged me to look at them both as I did so, my bare bottom still hot and sore and naked as I knelt up, and my breasts bare and facing them. It didn't take me long to shudder and tremble in to both of their arms.

Christmas Eve.

Inspired by Bonnie's question in this weeks Sunday brunch...

I stood to the right of the fire, almost in leaning distance of the mantle piece, but I had my hands held on my head and was standing as neatly as I could. The carriage clock was in view and I could see that they'd be arriving any minute.

My hair was tied in a neat french plait and my pale face was free from make-up, just a little rouge on my lips and a natural blush on my cheeks. " I want you neat and naked " were his words, " except for these " ...and I had on the white pants he'd left for me. They were thin and gauzy, covering my bottom, but with a slight bagginess and sheerness that marked its vulnerability.

I was excited by all the vulnerability I felt. Thoughts were dancing like the open flames that kept me warm. I was part conscious of my nakedness, part only aware of the dry anticipation in my throat, and part just on fire myself. Seeing him always brought me to life.

The door clicked open and I neatly stood waiting.

" Olivia darling, I'm glad that you found the place okay, and good girl for getting such an impressive fire roaring. "

I wanted to turn around, to be able to see him and to see her too. I tried to stay still but it was hard as he drew their attention onto me in a way that he knew would make me squirm.

" I'm glad to see you are stood neatly Olivia, and with your self on show, especially that bottom, properly presented in those knickers as I asked. "

I heard them kiss and he whispered to her " doesn't she have a lovely bottom darling."

Drawing in my breath almost caused me to miss her soft words. Her voice sounded different, a little deeper, licked with a tone of arousal. " She does, and thank you for bringing her here for us. "
They kissed again and moved more into the room, closing the door.

She and I had met only a few times, for coffee. He had been my Guardian for a few years. This Christmas he'd wanted to bring us together. Her curiosity had grown into a new desire and my desire was always to please, and that had grown from him to all that was in his life.

" Catherine, my love, come and sit here on the bed. "

They walked behind me, I imagined him guiding her there, stood behind her with his hands held at her waist and sitting her down on the bed. And then he was up behind me. I could feel him right there, not touching me but just gazing at me. His hand swept my plait to one side and he leaned in and kissed the back of my neck. He moved back away from me as he spoke.

" Olivia, my darling ward, you may turn around."

It was nice to feel the heat from the fire shift to the opposite side of my body, distracting for a moment, before I tried to settle my eyes on the room. I had to look at him first to steady myself. He held me with his eyes, captured me and kept me there, my feet neatly on the ground. His eyes then looked at all my nakedness, as I looked at her I saw her eyes were all over me too.

My blushing deepened and he smiled noticing it.

He sat a little away from her in the chair that had been at the dressing table. She was still sat on the edge of the bed looking like an elegant raven, her dark hair pinned up and her delicate and defined bones illuminating her poise.

" Come and stand here Olivia. "

He pulled me in towards him, between his legs, his hands cupped on my bottom cheeks, and before he did anything else he took each of my hardened nipples in to his mouth in turn, just for a few moments, leaving each of them glistening.
I wondered if she was watching how his hands were starting to knead my bottom cheeks a little more firmly.

" Catherine is going to watch me giving you a smacked bottom sweetheart, she is going to see how having your bottom properly punished is something that you both need and deserve, and she and I are going to get great enjoyment from it. "

He smiled over at Catherine as I felt a tiny trickle of excitement start to pool between my legs.

Guiding me over his knee I already felt completely obedient to his will, to both of them. I held myself neatly across his lap, raising my bottom up to him as he pulled the pretty gauzy fabric taut across my cheeks. I could feel her eyes wandering over me, a flush on my skin seemed to trail in their wake.

He rubbed my bottom slowly, warming me, ripening me to take the flurry of firm hand smacks that followed. He held me tightly at the waist covering each cheek with the scorching blanket of his palm.

" Are you seeing how her bottom quivers under my hand Catherine? "

I could barely hear how Catherine responded, lost in the sting, swallowed by my submission. It was fiery now, my bottom. The redness running out across my cheeks to beyond the edges of the knickers. He paused only to neaten the knickers back in place over my cheeks and then continued, harder and more deliberately, each smack penetrating me.

" Shall we see how pinkened her bottom has become Catherine? "

He signaled for me to lift my hips and he pulled down the pants so they neatly sat below my bottom, I could feel them straining a little across the tops of my thighs so I moved my legs a little more neatly together.

My bottom felt swollen , plumped up, proud and presented to them, naked across his knee. I kept my eyes closed, feeling their wandering eyes all over me again. His hands smoothed over the heat.

" Catherine my love, are you seeing now how Olivia likes to have her bottom treated and what an obedient girl she is? "

Catherine whispered back to him with that same arousal in her voice, and I squirmed as my thoughts held both of their arousal within my own.

He didn't stop until I could feel nothing but the burn in my cheeks, the wetness splashed out between my legs, and the taste of wanting to please in my mouth.

Part two will follow shortly.... I got tired!!

Monday, 15 December 2008

Your Help.

Hello !

On January 7th I am due to hand in my thesis, and will finally become a Mistress of Science ( an MSc qualification in Psychology that I have been studying part time for the last 2 years ), unleashed into the real world to hopefully start applying some of my academic study into useful and meaningful constructs for everyone!

I have been doing a very in-depth qualitative study about sexual expression with a relatively small number of participants, using Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis as my means of reading the data, however to add a different depth and perspective to my study I thought I may add another survey to widen my sample of participants.  I haven't run this through the ethics committee ( oops ! ;-) ) or asked my tutor about this, but I did think it might be enlightening, revealing, helpful, IMPORTANT ask all of you to participate should you have the time.

I've set up a 10 question online survey that will take no more than 15 minutes, and all data is anonymous. It is a bit basic and very condensed from my full blown questions as I don't have a Survey Monkey account and had to narrow them down to 10, so apologies if they are a bit wordy and crammed!!

If you are at all curious about my study, or if you'd like to participate, then please just click on the link below and I will be very very  grateful!

Many thanks,


One person out of those that have been kind enough to do the survey expressed concern about the ethics issue. Since posting this I have had a meeting with my tutor and because the questions are a part of my wider research they are validated by my original application to the ethics committee.

Tuesday, 9 December 2008

My First Meme.

One of my favourite bloggers, Shannee, had this meme on her blog. I've never done one before, but tonight, despite being put to bed, I still cannot sleep.... so I thought I'd give it a try.

Layer 1 : Tell us your...

* Name: Olivia Manners, obviously not my real name but I hope I do have manners ;-)
* Birthday: July 15th
* Current location: London, UK
* Eye colour: Green...really really green!
* Hair colour: A dark warm brown.  It was blonde until I was 4, and from 12 to 28 it has been various shades of black, red, blonde and brown. It has been its natural colour for over 3 years now.
* Height: 5'4"
* Righty or lefty : Right handed, but I can spank with both :-)
* Zodiac sign: Cancer, and I think I am quite a typical Cancerian in many ways. 

Layer 2 : What's.....

* Your heritage: Irish and English, although I often get called an English Rose or am told I look Spanish or Italian...slight contradiction and may be to do with how much sun I have had :-)
* The shoes you wore today: Some black lace up ankle boots with a pair of vintage canvas spats.
* Your weakness: Cheese, MSN chatting, old men,  new adventures, my libido
* Your fears: Not being loved. Not living in the truth.  I don't really fear anything else.
* Your perfect pizza: Thin, crispy base, blue cheese, toasted walnuts and baked pear.
* Goals you'd like to achieve: To find a more wide-spread, meaningful and impactful way to support others in the discovery, understanding, acceptance and expression of their sexuality. To help support and design better and more effective ways for people to communicate in relationships throughout their lifetime, and as their relationships shift. To be a part of something ( maybe a social movement )that works towards shifting mindsets and values away from such a materialistic focussed world, to something more meaningful, accepting of complexity and contradiction and with equality and compassion. To love myself more. To regain greater trust in myself. To always strive to feel alive!
* Your first waking thoughts: The man who gives me love and a smacked bottom.
* Your best physical feature: My eyes, and I have very tiny nostrils which are quite funny.
* Your most missed memory: People that I love who are no longer in my life any more,or the relationship has changed, although I still have them in my memory, so that is sometimes enough.

Layer 3: Do you...

* Smoke: I do, socially, and I've been paying attention to this more recently as I receive a stroke of the cane for each one I have! I'm one of those annoying people who can not smoke for 2 weeks but then may have a few of an evening. But I do know that this is even more of a reason to not do it at all.
* Cuss: No, I rarely swear at all.
* Sing: Only when I am alone, most of all I love to sing in my car, driving at full speed along the motorway. I am a terrible singer and when I was at school nobody would stand next to me in assembly because my voice was so bad it made them laugh at hymn time. I have quite a deep voice.
* Do you think you've been in love: I do yes.
* Did you go to college: Yes, when I was 18 I went to Uni, and then I went back again to do a Masters when I was 30.
* Liked high school: No, it wasn't a very happy time for me, although there are some aspects ofd it that I remember fondly.
* Want to get/ stay married: I've never wanted to get married.
* Believe in yourself: About some things, yes. When I shut out the voices of the same one or two people in my life who've lead me to doubt myself, then I often believe in myself.
* Think you're attractive: Sometimes. When I am at my most alive I am most attractive, my eyes sparkle extra green and everything just lights up and glows.
* Think you're a health freak: I do not look after myself health wise anywhere near enough.
* Get along with your parents: I love them for who they are, and they love me for who I am, and we connect on some levels but not on others. I am very lucky to have such a supportive Mum. My Dad loved me in his way.
* Like thunderstorms: LOVE them, especially when I am in bed.
* Play an instrument: I used to play the violin, piano and recorder when I was at school. I've just started to learn the cello. But I must say that music is not something I have a natural talent for.

Layer 4: In the past month have you...

* Drank alcohol: Yes! Although I don't drink very much. I like nice, heavy red wines, sometimes a Gin & Tonic, and then the odd pint of cider. 
* Smoked: Yes.
* Done a drug: No.
* Made out: I have yes, and very nice it was too ;-)
* Gone on a date: I have yes, once with a nice young man and once with an Irish lass.
* Gone to the mall: No, I don't like shopping centers, I am a market girl and vintage boutique shopper!
* Eaten an entire box of Oreos: I think this must be an American meme. I have not, but I have eaten a whole box of Dairylea triangles all in one go.
* Eaten sushi: Yes, vegetarian sushi.
* Been on stage: Not on stage but on a film set.
* Been dumped: No, not yet. Hopefully I won't be either :-)
* Gone skating: Yes, ice skating at Tower Bridge with the Irish lass.
* Gone skinny dipping: It is a little cold for that at this time of year.
* Stolen anything: Not without asking first.

Layer 5: Have you ever...

* Played a game that required removal of clothing: I have yes, every day when I am having to change into specified knickers feels a bit like that :-)
* Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Um...yes!
* Been caught " doing something": I am not sure what this means, sexually , no never, but I have been caught doing things I shouldn't have.
* Been called a tease: No. In fact at school I used to get teased for being such a rubbish tease ( or flirt as we say in England! )
* Gotten beaten up: I was slapped in the face once.
* Shoplifted: I did when I was younger on a day visit to a Butlin's holiday camp in Wales. We all got caught and I still feel guilty about it to this day!

Layer 6 :

* Age you did get/ hoped to be married: I haven't and I don't intend to...although if I were to get married I'd quite like a Celtic Pagan wedding in a forest clearing with lots of twinkling fairy lights and horses and fawns grazing, and beautifully dark and haunting music ...delivered in the moonlight.
* Numbers and names of children ( either you have or want ): I don't have children and I'm not sure that I want children either. I like being a Sister, friend, Auntie and Mentor to lots of people and giving/ sharing my love in that way.
* Describe your dream mate: Funny and playful, kind, curious, tall, dark hair, green or blue eyes, inquisitive, beguiling, an effortless intimacy that fits with mine, generous, wise, open heart and mind, adventurous, rooted into the ground and able to soar up high too. If it was to be a woman then I do like long hair. But something tells me that my dream mate would almost be indescribable and that is what would make them my dream mate.
* How do you want to die: In a way that leaves peace for those that are still here. And that keeps intact all that I have learnt in this life to go forward in to the next.
* What do you want to be when you grow up: A whole person with love flowing out and love being received in.
* What country would you most like to visit: Argentina, for the horseback riding across vast plains and over mountains, the tango, and the Malbec.

Layer 7: Now tell.....

* Name a drug that you have taken illegally: pretty much all of them when I was younger, except heroine.
* Name a person you could trust with my life: My other Dad, to name just one.
* Name a favourite CD that you own: A set of 4 CD's that were given out to each guest at my friends wedding last year...each guest had to dedicate a song to the couple, and they put them all on disc for us. I love both the variation of music on them from across the generations as well as the different memories that are attached to the songs as they were played throughout the day.
* Number of piercings: Ears but I rarely wear earrings, in fact I don't wear any jewelry except for a bracelet from the Second World War, called a sweetheart bracelet, that has special significance to me.
* Number of tattoos: None.
* Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: Three times I think, all when I was younger - once for winning a county tennis trophy, once for winning a swimming competition, and once when I was 16 for starting a fashion show event for my art GCSE.
* Name a past experience you regret: Not trusting people's affection for me more. But really, as much as it is a cliche, I don't hold on to regret.

Thanks for reading, if you did ;-)