Sunday, 29 June 2008

Beyond Embarrassing.

This afternoon my old flatmate and dear friend came over for tea, and we were looking through old photographs. We came upon some snaps from a holiday we'd shared in Ibiza a few Summers ago ( up in the mountains, not raving in the clubs I might add! ) and I remembered, and so did she, the strange marks she had noticed escaping from my bikini bottoms despite my every attempt to hide them.

Embarrassment has always been central to the dynamic I share with my Disciplinarian, and I believe in this instance he had quite purposefully ensured my discipline session fell on the day before I was due to go away that week. Regardless of me reminding him that in less than 24 hours I might like to lay on the beach in a swimsuit, he continued to thoroughly chastise me and talk very matter of fact about how I would just have to explain to whomever saw any marks, how I had been a naughty girl and needed to have my bottom smacked. Imagining my potential predicament at the time did make me squirm and blush hugely, but actually for the first few days of my holiday it almost went beyond embarrassing as I attempted to carefully keep my bottom out of view..climbing out of pools backwards and the like.

This is one of several times when my bottom has been left with very timely marks, absolutely on purpose! and I love the feelings of embarrassment this rouses in me.

I wondered what situations others have found themselves in, whereby someone has noticed something amiss on your bottom, and how you have responded to it?

Olivia X

Saturday, 21 June 2008

Simple words, lots of meaning.

It would be lovely to see what other bloggers create using this Tag Cloud tool.... go to

Olivia X

Saturday, 14 June 2008

Standing before the jury!

That is how I have felt at times when people learn that I wasn't curiously fascinated by smacked bottoms from a very young age. 
My hands go up, I don't think I was born with the spanko gene!

But I was definitely born with some kinky gene ( I'd have to say a pretty huge one! ) that began it's life quite quietly.  Spanking was never on my radar when I was younger. It certainly was not in my childhood, with a very liberal Mum and a Dad who lived miles away. I have no recollection of even hearing of anyone being spanked, and I am too young for Corporal Punishment to have still existed ( legally anyway ) in my school days. Enid Blyton was out of the children's top 10 by then, and I have no memory of spanking being mentioned in  Judy Blume's stories or Roald Dahl's tales.

I do remember always having a fascination with bottoms, and in childhood games with friends that did seem to dominate as an area of play, very innocently then of course. In private, those games grew into stories in my mind that developed beyond what I could possibly share with anyone else, and increasingly so as I grew older. Desires to be inspected, exposed and embarrassed, to be taken control of and sometimes to serve, and often these would involve a Man of authority, sometimes a Woman too. I remember feeling ashamed at times when my imagination was veering into someone of authority doing something non-consensually to me. And then there were the more tender desires of just wanting to feel small, innocent and held, but feeling great power from that.  

When people have talked with me about growing up with these secret desires and curiosity about spanking, that at times felt confusing, or embarrassing, or privately joyful....waiting/ hoping for that time to express them or that person to share them with, I too have known what it is like to of carried those feelings inside for years, it just wasn't apparent to me until about 3 years ago that a relationship involving spanking and Discipline was like a manifestation of pretty much all of my kinks coming together.

In discovering a way to express these most natural parts of who I am, through the relationship that I have with my Disciplinarian, I now cannot imagine spanking and Discipline not being a part of my life for always.  So much so, that at times I wonder why with all of the wonderful things that a smacked bottom symbolises and can give you, it hadn't occurred to me before.
I wonder if  had I seen someone being spanked when I was younger whether that would have made all of this fall into place so much sooner. Or perhaps I HAD come across spanking in my childhood but the reason I don't have any memory of it is because I don't have that spanko gene. Mostly I am not concerned with looking into the past anymore and trying to analyse why this or why that, but I do still ponder on them sometimes when trying to understand more clearly how much of my love for all of this is tied up to the feelings I have for my Disciplinarian.
Because I can't say that I have always wanted a smacked bottom. But I don't feel that means it isn't a part of who I am now, any less or any more so than those who were born with the gene!

Anyway.... some questions for you!

Have other peoples kink's fanned out from spanking? 

Or like me, have others found that they had a variety of kinks and that the spanking one seems to link all of the others together?

Or perhaps they have a variety of kinks but they all share an equal value and importance rather than there being a ' core ' one?

Or none of the above! :)

With love 
Olivia X

Saturday, 7 June 2008


How have you felt after being spanked?
Is it different depending on the context in which you have been spanked?

For me:

* After a disciplinary spanking I feel relief, forgiveness, focus and ready to start out again on the best footing.

* After a " just because" spanking I feel settled, centered, understood, released and very calm internally but outwardly energised.

* After a " good girl " spanking I feel like skipping.

* After an explicitly erotic spanking I feel a wiggly and insatiable naughtiness :)

Tuesday, 3 June 2008


I was reminded today of another way in which being Disciplined/ being submissive/ just being taken in hand for no other reason than needing a pink and sore bottom leaves me with physical memories that I have never experienced in any other erotic encounters. I am not sure if I can articulate what I mean very well, but I will try!

The flashbacks that I have from my experiences with my Disciplinarian are able to be summoned and re-lived so vividly. I seem to be able to recall every little detail, and what is most striking is how intensely I feel the physical sensations all over again. My mind wandered on the bus this evening and I was back across his lap and it was like my bottom was tingling, I was blushing all over again, it was almost like he was touching me. I have never appreciated this enough until I realised today that even when we are apart it is a lovely and compelling thing to be able to recount those memories not just as images in my mind but to actually really feel them in my body all over again.

There is definitely something about spanking, Discipline and submission that has introduced me to a new level of intimacy, for which I am very grateful!

Sunday, 1 June 2008

The sound of Discipline.

I love and get excited by so many aspects of being Disciplined and all of them deserve an individual post. It is amazing all of the little things that I have come to notice and am able to notice even during those twirling and thrilling moments when I am being spanked.

My favourite sounds are:

* Waiting in the corner with my hands on my             head, or bent over the chair, and hearing his     footsteps purposefully pacing towards me

* His voice, take on that firm and authoritative tone whereby I just know what is awaiting me

* The leather strap which cracks so perfectly across my bottom cheeks

* Hearing my own little embarrassed muffled moans and gasps, which in turn makes me even    
   more embarrassed

* His appreciative murmur at the sight of my reddening bottom cheeks as he smoothes his    
   hand over them

* The palm of his hand landing with exact crispness on the most rounded and bouncy part of my bottom cheek

* The silence of him and his palm just rested on my bottom.

* The page of my punishment book being turned and the nib of his pen scrawling my fate across    the paper

I wonder what other sounds people notice or relish in their spankings....