School knickers are finally put away....

as my essay is done!...but I still find myself wearing the strangest underwear...tennis knickers!

I could probably write a whole blog just on knickers and why I choose the ones I do each day, or how often I find I don't have a choice about what knickers I wear, but I rather like that.... anyway, I doubt that is of very much interest to anyone at all :)

What WAS interesting last week was the evening I spent attending a workshop run by Dossie Easton. Dossie is the co-author of a book that was mentioned to me a few years back, The Ethical Slut, a book that influenced my life in various ways as I have grown to feel more comfortable with wanting less traditional relationships in my life. 

Quite characteristically of me,I didn't actually read what the workshop was about but just knew I'd like to meet Dossie and hear some more of her words and thinking. The email I received following my booking did then come as a bit of a surprise...

" Radical Ecstasy..... This workshop is strictly " panties" on, participants may go topless if they wish..."..

I'd thought I was attending a literary type workshop with some discussion! So it was with some trepidation but also curious excitement and nerves, and some reassuring words from my Disciplinarian, that I arrived at the workshop.

The next 3 hours were an absolutely amazing experience and one that I shall be repeating in much more depth for a whole weekend with Dossie in September. 

Below is Dossie's description of what Radical Ecstasy is:

"We are planning a journey into the intersection of BDSM and Tantra, which I and my co-author Janet Hardy have written about in our book Radical Ecstasy. We will start with basic exercises, breath and safety, and then move onto connection and ecstatic practice, with exercises that incorporate SM or D/s and tools from Tantra practice and elsewhere. Genital sex will in no way be required during the workshop, our focus will be much more on energy, connection and transcendent states of consciousness. "

My own experiences of D/s, which are quite minimal, have often felt like they have been teetering on an intersection between sexuality and spirituality, and I certainly believe that when I am held across my Disciplinarians knee after a very thorough hand spanking, or have been caned beyond a point of pain, that I have felt something that I could only describe as ecstasy, a really clear and generously flowing energy, from the roots of a very deep connection.. but it was thrilling and really special to feel something not dissimilar to that within a whole room full of people.

I have done lots of meditation and even trained as a chakra energy healer last year, but the exercises in this workshop roused a completely different energy. Sexual energy! ( or life energy as I believe it to be ).  The room was alive and loving, and my whole body felt like it was continually being wrapped up in an overly enthusiastic electric blanket....

and it was full of laughter too. Dossie was great at not taking any of this too seriously, something I welcome having been to several BDSM nights where the dungeons and floggers just seem to impart seriousness! 

I met 2 lovely women who offered me a visit to their 13 strong polyamourous community in the North of England where they'd be happy to introduce me to some strict female Discipline, and I have some great new techniques that I look forward to trying out whilst being spanked, as I am sure that there is a connection between a warm and sore bottom and spiritual ecstasy :)

For more about Dossie and her touring workshops go to www.dossieeaston.com.

I would highly recommend attending one!

And I kept all of my clothes on and so did everyone else :)

Olivia

X

I am TRYING to do my work but...

I keep getting distracted by Knickers. They just seem to appear on my screen.

And spanking stories.

I just read a very evocative one on Kinky Fairy Tales ( See link below ) by another girl called Olivia, in London.

Knickers, stories, spanking, knickers, stories, spanking, knickers...arghh.... I know what would best remedy my lack of focus!

http://www.kinkyfairytales.com

And to a certain Mr P...

STOP looking at pictures of my bottom!

Hope to see you at Hay.

Olivia X

Apologies!

I have had some lovely words of encouragement from friends new and old about this blog, especially wanting me to write more about the MSc I am doing and the 2 groups that I run, so thank you for that! And apologies....that already I have not been posting regularly.

The deadline for a very important paper toward my final research project is this coming Thursday, so I am quite literally chained to my desk ( a beautiful Victorian school desk I might add! ) trying to focus on that, still having to wear school knickers ( sigh ) and until then, this blog is not being very well looked after.

Olivia x

Chatroom Chapters

The sun is shining and I am out soon to meet my friends new rescued grey hound. As I was getting dressed into my Summer dress ( hoorah! ), and slipping on a new pair of maroon school knickers ( I have been instructed to wear a pair of school knickers every day until I am back on track with my MSc .. Hmph ) I reminded myself of just how lucky I am to have met someone that I can share all of this with!

I was recounting to a girl the other day about the various people I had met from chat rooms in the last few years. Not because I have ever wanted to replace my Disciplinarian but just due to the circumstances in which we have to conduct our relationship making it sometimes feel difficult. 

There was the man who within 5 minutes of meeting me had leant over and pinched my nipple ( Eek! ), then there was the man who fooled me for a long time posing as a girl who I became friendly with, who then introduced me to this wonderful man she knew that I just " had to meet", but they were both him!  ( and I DID meet him in NYC!! ) Then there was the man who spilt his drink all over himself and me, and just refused to accept that I did not want him to be my Disciplinarian until I literally ran out of the restaurant! Not to mention the very strange Norwegian couple.... ( although I was fond of the fresh birch that they brought over with them)..

I'm glad that I am not trying to seek something out in the chat rooms anymore!

Happy Bank Holiday to everyone.

The Question of Discipline

Recently my Disciplinarian asked me to review and articulate to him about what discipline meant to me and I thought I would share some of it here.

It is a curious thing having been someone that had been resistant to, and almost disregarding of rules through the earlier part of my life. I was rather naughty at school, not in a fighting and bratty way, but in a very quietly strong-willed way. I was described in my school report at age 11 as " having a problem with authority " !

Rules meant nothing to me if they were being imposed by someone I didn't respect, or if they were rules that made little sense. Rules were something that I could exert my individuality against or lash out at when I was feeling hurt. Pushing them away or nudging them over with no consequences made me feel better, for a little while anyway, and then I'd feel rather empty. Like an attempt at self-expression but I wasn't really expressing myself very well at all. I think around that age I didn't really recognise that rules were there to look after me and others. Later on I think I really did start to notice rules but continued to not TAKE notice of them as a way of being quite self-destructive.

I have found that for me to acknowledge and want rules I need to feel that I deserve to have them. I have grown from being very ambivalent towards them, to recognising them and seeing value in them at a distance but still rejecting them personally, to now, finally accepting them into my personal life. They have come to represent me wanting to look after myself better, acknowledging that I deserve that and therefore deserve discipline, but most importantly now when I might push up against them, there is someone there to hold them up, and that gives rules a whole other quality.

Now I adore having rules. They are rules that I know are helpful to me and to moving my life in the direction that I want it to go. They help me to be a better person and they give a clear way of getting feedback on when I have done things well or need to do things better. I do sometimes still push against them of course! ( my naughty streak is still bubbling away! ) but having someone stand so lovingly and firm when I push against them makes me feel much safer and more considerate. Knowing that my Disciplinarian is there raises the bar and expectation I have of myself and want for myself and it gives me clearly defined ways to make myself and him proud.

Maybe life feels more complex now as an adult too, which is not a complaint because I love the variation of my working life, but having rules gives me a very solid structure, familiarity and security which allows me be free and exploratory and adventurous from its platform.

What has been most amazing for me about embracing rules is that I have found someone to set rules with me, for me, and that someone is a person I love and respect, which in turn makes me feel very loved and cared for.

Of course, having the consequence of a good smacked bottom should I break them is also what makes this work!

That first time across his knee

I had arrived for lunch, actually to deliver an invitation by hand, and was enjoying a rather delicious vegetable chilli ( I can say that from what I have tasted, he is a very good cook! ), and we were talking and the energy in the room, well...to start with it was just vibrant, that energy when 2 people are just excited to be in one another's company.....then it became a little more difficult to concentrate on my food. That feeling that someone is watching you with more intensity than normal, almost studying you - but rather than it feeling intrusive my embarrassment nudged at me playfully and jolted me more nervously inside and I couldn't eat anymore.

Very matter-of-factly he asked me to come and stand beside him, I faltered, but only for a second because that tone of voice, and those kind but commanding eyes captivated me. And most striking was the feeling of wanting to be obedient. That doesn't mean to say that the thoughts of " he can't be serious?!.".... or " this isn't really going to happen is it? ".... didn't race through me, because they absolutely did, along with the butterflies tumbling in my tummy...but his steadfastness was both unnervingly absolute and also strangely comforting.

I stood there quietly, trying to breathe and to hide my face which I was certain would give far too much away. And he very calmly but purposefully told me to raise my skirt.

Standing beside him with my tights and knickers on show seemed a million miles away from where we had been just 10 minutes ago, chatting and eating lunch.

The knots of anticipation,nerves, disbelief and utter embarrassment were overwhelming, and when he placed his hand on the seat of my tights that very first time, and just rested it there on my bottom, it felt like he encased all of those feelings into a safe and joyful place, and as he lead me into the next room to put me across his knee I knew a door to a very special place had opened.

That was my very first spanking, 2 and half years ago and it still makes me catch my breath now - I think partly because it was so unplanned and spontaneous and I really was " taken in hand " in the most empathic and masterful way, but also remembering how natural it felt ( but still hugely embarrassing! ), and I do feel a little bit wiggly on my chair now ( blush! )...