A different kind of grief.

I reach up for the green and white polka dot oval suitcase that I used to run away with when I was 11.

The girl watches me from the bed, sat there with her legs dangling over the side, her head dropped a little but her eyes still watching me, hands clasped in her lap as if almost praying.

I face her bravely, staying composed, trying to reassure.

Placing the case open on the bed, I make sure that the length of satin is neatly arranged as a cushioning, tucking it into the edges, trying to show her the care that I intend to extend to her, even when shut away.

I don't want to do this, it doesn't feel like she has been here very long.

Her quietness is disconcerting but then I know she was still just finding her voice, so I can't expect her to speak up, especially not now, not in this moment.

She feels surprisingly light as I lift her up, ever the girl wanting to please, to make things easy. Partly I think she knows that she needs a rest, that she is weary but I'd never expect her to resist anyway.

My heart is heavy as I lay her gently down on her back inside the case. Her body is limp now and I can fold each of her limbs over the sides of the case so they are resting against her. She knows her place, she willingly fits back in to the case where she was held for so long. 

Her eyes don't close before they first look straight into me. 

" Nobody has even really known I've come out to play " her whisper breaks a little with a flitter that lacks resolve.

I can't let her see my pain, all I want to show her is my faith in seeing her again. 

I can't even speak to her, all I can do as I lay her picture down against the folds of her dress, is show her with my eyes, that she is safe in here, and that I will keep looking after her.

Lowering the top of the case down as she lowers her eyelids and it darkens inside, I grip around my waist with my other arm. I can't quite snap shut the metal clasp, but as I lift the rounded case back onto the top shelf of my wardrobe I know I have to take down the black patent one that sits beside it.