That is how I have felt at times when people learn that I wasn't curiously fascinated by smacked bottoms from a very young age.
My hands go up, I don't think I was born with the spanko gene!
But I was definitely born with some kinky gene ( I'd have to say a pretty huge one! ) that began it's life quite quietly. Spanking was never on my radar when I was younger. It certainly was not in my childhood, with a very liberal Mum and a Dad who lived miles away. I have no recollection of even hearing of anyone being spanked, and I am too young for Corporal Punishment to have still existed ( legally anyway ) in my school days. Enid Blyton was out of the children's top 10 by then, and I have no memory of spanking being mentioned in Judy Blume's stories or Roald Dahl's tales.
I do remember always having a fascination with bottoms, and in childhood games with friends that did seem to dominate as an area of play, very innocently then of course. In private, those games grew into stories in my mind that developed beyond what I could possibly share with anyone else, and increasingly so as I grew older. Desires to be inspected, exposed and embarrassed, to be taken control of and sometimes to serve, and often these would involve a Man of authority, sometimes a Woman too. I remember feeling ashamed at times when my imagination was veering into someone of authority doing something non-consensually to me. And then there were the more tender desires of just wanting to feel small, innocent and held, but feeling great power from that.
When people have talked with me about growing up with these secret desires and curiosity about spanking, that at times felt confusing, or embarrassing, or privately joyful....waiting/ hoping for that time to express them or that person to share them with, I too have known what it is like to of carried those feelings inside for years, it just wasn't apparent to me until about 3 years ago that a relationship involving spanking and Discipline was like a manifestation of pretty much all of my kinks coming together.
In discovering a way to express these most natural parts of who I am, through the relationship that I have with my Disciplinarian, I now cannot imagine spanking and Discipline not being a part of my life for always. So much so, that at times I wonder why with all of the wonderful things that a smacked bottom symbolises and can give you, it hadn't occurred to me before.
I wonder if had I seen someone being spanked when I was younger whether that would have made all of this fall into place so much sooner. Or perhaps I HAD come across spanking in my childhood but the reason I don't have any memory of it is because I don't have that spanko gene. Mostly I am not concerned with looking into the past anymore and trying to analyse why this or why that, but I do still ponder on them sometimes when trying to understand more clearly how much of my love for all of this is tied up to the feelings I have for my Disciplinarian.
Because I can't say that I have always wanted a smacked bottom. But I don't feel that means it isn't a part of who I am now, any less or any more so than those who were born with the gene!
Anyway.... some questions for you!
Have other peoples kink's fanned out from spanking?
Or like me, have others found that they had a variety of kinks and that the spanking one seems to link all of the others together?
Or perhaps they have a variety of kinks but they all share an equal value and importance rather than there being a ' core ' one?
Or none of the above! :)
With love
Olivia X
