Monday 22 September 2008

The Eyes.


At the beginning of this year I met a girl 10 years my junior. She was painfully awkward in herself, under-confident, shy and incredibly defensive.  Attempt at conversation was often met with tightly folded arms at her chest and her hair shielding her face whilst a forced few words were spoken.

During the last 9 months I have seen each part of her start coming to life, like a doll, each limb awakening as if in the Midnight scene of the Nutcracker ballet. And then this week it was as if the fully alive doll began to walk, to stride with easy movement. And this was because her eyes had suddenly come to life, like the last part of her had switched themselves on. I couldn't work out what it was at first, but then I saw them, partly because they were no longer hidden by her hair, but also because they just shone, and her smile lit them up even more as if working together from the same mechanism. 

What had happened in the last 9 months?  She found the courage to step into exploring her life-long desire to be spanked. With each step she's been a little more adventurous, a little more able to speak of what she wants and a little more able to reach out, accept and enjoy it when she's found it.  This week she told her 2 childhood friends and that was when her eyes changed. It was as if that was the last piece in place, fully absolved and all of herself present and accepted and in harmony.

It has been an affecting journey to watch, so I just wanted to share it with you.

It made me think too of what people have said of me over the last 3 years. They have mentioned my eyes, and particularly after I have been spanked, friends ( not knowing why of course ) have commented on the vividness of their colour.

 I wear colour now too, and having my long, almost waist length hair cut into a playful bob marked my lighter and more weightless self. My head feels like it is held a little higher and my smile is broader, and I know that even the way I walk feels slightly different, and I don't just mean when I am trying to walk with a sore and tender bottom ;-)

Seeing my friend this week has been such a reminder to me of how connecting fully with our sexuality brings us fully to life.

I'm wondering if any readers of this blog have memories of when they came " alive", if they'd describe it in that way, and if they noticed physical changes too.



5 comments:

MacGirl said...

Olivia,

I can relate to that girl soooooooooo much! A year ago I was that girl. I used to be a goth, living in baggy black clothes. Then I moved away from home, started weight watchers, got my confidence and started to explore my sexuality a lot more. I had a good friend who was older than me and helped me emmensely. Now a year dwn the line I am more confident, I hardly won any black clothes, I am exploring my sexuality in a way I enjoy. I am a different person and I no longer shy away from conversations with people.

It is lovely to see people develop like this but for the person developing it is lovely to know that someone is noticing and that someone cares about you. So tell this girl how proud you are of her and let her know.

Macgirl

OliviaManners said...

I think she already knows that I am proud, but most of all I am just happy for her. And happy for you too Macgirl.

Olivia
x

Paul said...

Olivia, great post, good for the girl.
At the moment I'm mentoring someone in a similar situation, it's lovely to watch her growing and blossoming,
Warm hugs,
Paul.

OliviaManners said...

Thank you Paul.

The girl you are mentoring is very lucky indeed!

As are you of course. I think sharing in someone's journey of self-discovery and self-expression is one of the most lovely and bonding things.

Warm smiles.
Olivia
x

Greenwoman said...

For sure, I find it rewarding to watch others unfold! I'm so glad you got to see this too. *smiles*